What all of this means I am currently preparing two properties, 2 hours apart, to go to market for rental. Both are in need of updating and repairs and both need to be on the market within weeks. I am also still writing for this blog and running my business, Lavenderia NappyCare. All the while entertaining my two year old daughter.
I donât say any of this to impress you but perhaps to impress upon you that even I get tired of trying so hard to do the right thing. The mass of convenience surrounding us means that I will yield when I just do not have the energy (or resources, whilst sleeping on the floor without a washing machine) to something less than the âbestâ option.
This has led me to thinking â how can I stop the eco-burn out?
Most of my path has been fear-based; running from Monsanto foods and seed, striving to PREVENT landfill, AVOIDING excess packaging. Yes, whilst this is all necessary and I agree â required learning for my family â it is all based on fear, lack and being afraid of the outcome.
I know that itâs my choice (one I feel was made out of necessity) and that it is a lifestyle decision, not a trend.
I will admit though that I find it hard, sometimes, to live in this world and stick to my preferred lifestyle of being as eco-friendly as I can, of minimising my footprint and that of my familyâs.
For now, I am residing in a very busy and loud suburb of Sydney, sleeping on a mattress on the floor whilst I clean and repair the damage caused to our investment by friends whom we rented to. Itâs been very sad for my husband and I, as our beautiful terrace looks tired and decrepit.
In addition to handling all the clean-up and repair work for this mammoth 3 storey, 140 year old building, we have also made a decision that we can no longer stay in our home in Leura. Reason being is that my husband has returned to the workforce in finance and has been commuting 2.5 hours EACH WAY to work. I have done similar before myself and the physical toll it takes can be detrimental to health and relationships.
Thereâs no doubt about it â making the choice to live and eco-friendly lifestyle as much as possible does mean that there is move involved, more work to be done, more things to cover, more recipes to learn, more food or seed to buy, more places to shop to get itâ¦ I feel like the list is somewhat endless, sometimes.
I sometimes find myself getting cross about the whole thing and wanting to give it all up â It can be so damn hard in this City, this day, this age not to buy into the convenience and âshop shop shopâ mentality.
Right now, for example, I know I should be having Stinging Nettle infusion â everyday â for energy and endurance. I am out of Nettle, the rest is at Leura and its 2 hours away. To buy it here is $150/kg and when using a cup per day, thatâs the most expensive tonic I can imagine!
I know I need to be using low VOC paints in all the repairs right now but when they are 30 â 80% more expensive, with two houses that need doing and very little money to spare in the budget, I simply cannot afford to use them right now. If I do that, then the electrical repairs canât be done. It becomes a safety issue for immediate danger (electrical) vs potential long term danger (off-gassing paint). What do you choose?
I run the numbers over and over for these sorts of things and sometimes, it just doesnât add up â no matter how hard I try.
Why am I telling you all this?
I suppose because I want to ensure you see me as nothing more than a struggling human on a path she feels she must follow â even when she doesnât want to. I fall off the wagon then back on, then fall off and get back on. Thatâs the path for me.
I had so many lovely people, lately, introduce me as âTHE Eco Mumâ. Whilst it was very sweet and humbling, it also made me realise how many look to me as some kind of âeco-Goddessâ with all the answers, where lifeâs a breeze. Thatâs so not how it is for meâ¦
I am forever weighing up the pros and cons and every decision I make I feel is mighty weighty. I look to the future to see what might happen based on each scenario and weigh up which way is best. That type of thinking can get very tiresome especially when one is already tired and feeling âstretchedâ, mentally.
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One thing thatâs for sure â I am grateful for the organic super-store in Woollahra, on Queen Street! They stock amazing healthy goodies and have helped keep me on the eco-straight and narrow.
So, if you are ever feeling burned out I guess what I would want you to know is that itâs OK. We all go through it sometimes and we are all doing our very best. Please â feel good about all you DO do and when you have rested some, perhaps you may like to try again tomorrow J
Love and exhaustion,
The Eco Mum xo