Fair enough too!
I won’t go into this too much, but a very wise woman who’s now 80 years of age and STILL does “IT” once a week said to me
“Its an important part of the relationship I have with my husband – without it, there’s a ‘coolness’ that sets in which gets worse the longer we allow it to go on”.
I thought about this a lot when she told me, tested it out and yes – she’s right.
With a baby in the house, we can both do without the extra “coolness”.
But, what is your man is SO exhausted, stressed, over worked, over tired and over it that he doesn’t feel like rising to the *ahem* occasion?
Never fear – the super manly herbs are here!
There are a number of herbs you can look at giving hubby in teas or in food to help in that department which I have found to be VERY effective and almost instant.
Firstly, there’s a lack of zinc, iron and Vitamin C happening which is causing the *ahem* challenge.
All of these things are VITAL to a happy home. Without them, stress permeates every corner and makes for cranky families and psycho kids. Not. Fun.
Herbs like Damiana, Ashwaganda, Gotu Kola, Yerba Mate are MARVELOUS for men, regardless if they’re having challenges nocturnally or not.
Mix up a tea with 1tsp of Damiana and Ashwaganda of a night & let it steep. In the morning, get up, throw in 1tsp of Vitamin C powder & give it to your man. They won’t even know you’re giving them Sexy Time herbs – they’ll think you just don’t want them getting sick!
The Vitamin C powder will hide the smell and taste and you’re killing a couple of birds with one orange flavoured stone.
But what if YOUR drive has disappeared?
Women are a little more challenging in this area. Whilst there are a few reasons - hormones (in which case make Red Clover your friend), lethargy / exhaustion (in which case Nettle Infusions daily will change your life!) or feeling unloved, unappreciated and unheard (in which case you guys need to talk…NOW!) – there is a general rule of thumb that I have found works really well.
Generally speaking, the basic rule of thumb to get a woman in the mood is 45 minutes of meaningful conversation. Don’t believe me? Try it!
The reason this works is because conversation stimulates the flow of OXYTOCIN in the brain, which for women, is the connection and trust hormone and is released in vast amounts post pregnancy to help you bond with your bubba. Women NEED this hormone to get aroused hence why foreplay is so important. We need to know we’re safe & can trust the person we are with to have ongoing sexy time with them. Make sense?
Women need to be heard, understood, validated – after that, we’re pretty much anyone’s!
Ever wondered why a smart woman got duped by a slimy man? It is usually because the smart woman was having long, meaningful and full of eye contact conversations with said slimy male. The oxytocin was flowing, making them feel they could trust the person implicitly. Men who professionally “dupe” women know ALL about this bodily reaction of ours and play it to their advantage.
Play it to yours – schedule time with your man once a week (Friday nights are good!), get a baby sitter, go to dinner and MAKE YOURSELVES have a 45 minute conversation about ANYTHING but the kids or work.
It can be about how you feel about the kids or how you feel about work but NOT about the day to day grind for either of you. It can be about what you want to do for work or where you want to go and why you FEEL that would be a good place but you can’t plan holidays or talk career change practicalities.
In fact, the entire conversation is to be COMPLETELY IMPRACTICAL. No day to day stuff, no practicalities, no daily grind. And NO KIDS!
Try it, over some wine & you’ll BOTH find that familiar stirring start to return. Once a week, its SO important to do this, as a couple. If you can’t go out then lock the kids inside and you go outside on the verandah with a glass of wine – make sure there’s a barrier or boundary between you. Have your time out, talk for 45 minutes about ANYTHING except kids, work and daily grind.
See how you feel after that… I guarantee you’ll both feel more connected and understood by the other than you have in a LOOOOOOOOONG time. That, in addition to some Damiana and Ashwaganda for your man, with his morning Vitamin C will have you both well on the way to re-igniting some of those teenage impulses and keeping that “coolness” at bay.
Tell me, what’s your favourite Sexy Time Perk Up activity?
The Eco Mum xo xo xo