Some of them have been old fashioned â written 50, 80 and even almost 150 years ago! Itâs been an enlightening journey and I have learnt and applied an awful lot.
Being a Type A over achiever, I have learnt over the years to become very âyangâ in my approach to life. I can be quite aggressive, quite demanding, bossy and often âmanageâ people like staff. Yes, that is handy in a crisis or when thereâs an event to plan. Itâs not great in a marriage â no man likes to be bossed around by his wife, no matter how ârightâ she might be!
Whist some of the ideas of âFascinating Womanhoodâ, a book I have been reading of late, are a little antiquated, some of them work like a charm and create excellent results in this day and age.
Now seeing life through a different set of glasses and viewing my reflection in the mirror that my husband is for me, I can see where I was going wrong.
Today is a beautiful example of when I ask for help kindly and gently, then step back and await the assistance, how perfect that assistance can be when it comes.
By practicing softness, gentility, gentleness, grace and patience my femininity is starting to return and my marriage is blossoming as a result.
I donât get it right every day and whenever the pressure is on I still push to the front and take over. I will continue working on that but for now, I know that I am on the right path.
Plus â itâs nice to be soft once again. I get tired of always playing the hard-ass Ms Capable, every night and every day. Donât you?
How do you practice being feminine in your relationships? Share with us so we can all learn :-)
Love and femininity,
The Eco Mum xo
Just this morning I opened my company email to see what the day was going to bring, in our business. The first email I see is from my VA Extraordinaire, Meaghan who lives and works for us in Wollongong. She didnât say much â just three letters in fact â but I could see she was frustrated. I scrolled down the trail and read through everything then *face palm*.
A particularly difficult client whom we had been bending over backwards for was being even more difficult and demanding refunds and free products etc. There was just no way to acquiesce these requests but I knew I couldnât talk sense to this man. I hadnât had breakfast yet!
I emailed the trail to my husband, who is the Founding Director. Normally a shy, retiring, reserved sort of person, I wasnât sure what his response would be. I just knew that it was best for US if I involved him in the process even asking him for guidance because he would come out smelling like a big strong brutey rose, having ârescuedâ his damsels in distress.
Not only did he respond saying that the guy was being unreasonable (tick!) he also worded quite a long email to the gentleman himself and asked me to send it for him, on his behalf. The email was brilliant! It was eloquent. It was firm. It was kind. It was steadfastly resolute. It was black and white. It was legal. I loved it!
My VA and I then chatted about it between ourselves agreeing just how sexy my husband is when he letâs his brain hang out like that.
It got me to thinking â why wasnât he doing that more often?
Because I didnât let him.
I always jump in, the âCapable Oneâ, Ms Independent who has it all under control. He never has a chance to jump in, in front of me nor does he have the desire to manoeuvre his way into control once Iâve assumed the position. Heâs not a masochist (so he says!)
What did I do today that was so different, that bought about this amazingly well thought out, manly response to something that was stressing myself and our lovely VA out so much?
I stepped aside and I asked him to help handle it with me.
He then assumed the role and HANDLED it himself â beautifully.
What did I do differently? Not much.
1. I ask him for his advice / input / suggestions / assistance
2. I stepped aside and awaited said advice / input / suggestions / assistance
3. I thanked him profusely for his advice / input / suggestions / assistance
Being so capable, as a woman, means I am often overlooked by others. People rarely ask me if I am ok because they always assume I am. Why? Because I project that image - I am Ms Independent, I am always OK. Truth is though â I am not always OK, no one is.
So being more feminine, sharing more of my struggles, letting my guard down more and asking for assistance, kindly & gently (not demanding or barking orders) is not only useful in a marriage relationship. Itâs also a better way to be in friendships, in business, in families.
When I ask my daughter, who is only two, for help she is always willing to do as I ask. When I ask friends for help â directly & gently â they always seem to acquiesce.
The saddest thing I ever heard my husband say to me was when he proposed 2 years ago. He said âyouâre doing so much, youâre so capable, I just feel left behind sometimes. I wonder where I fit inâ. When I heard that I knew something had to change, something in me had to be different. I resolved that yes, whilst I am very capable and use to doing everything myself, it was not always a state I enjoyed and was not a position I wanted to maintain any longer.
I knew I was part of a team and it was time to play like a team player. For me, in my marriage, allowing my man to step up and impress the world with his brain / brawn / brilliance whilst I ask for his assistance and step aside meets so many needs â for both of us.
Itâs not about equality or a lack of it. Itâs not about who is better and who is lesser. Itâs about a balance of energies â the yin and the yang. Whilst I was all yang, my husband was forced to be yin which would frustrate me. I made all the decisions, I made all the plans, I handled the money, I handled parenting, grew the businesses. Meanwhile he was floundering beside me wondering where he could help â whilst I was upset about him not helping me.
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