I walked into my home late last night after having a couple of nights of very little sleep, two plane rides (one was a red eye with a 2 hour car trip before it), food that was not ideal for my strict diet and my son who was unwell with me and on me pretty much 24/7, and I can't tell you how good it was to be home.
Today I have started slow, slept late and right now I am in my purple silk jammies with my purple paisely floor length house coat (vintage - so elegant and pretty and girly) and I am sipping on a cuppa in my lounge room listening to my daughter's babblings and my son's attempted babblings.
I just realised how nice it feels to be home again.
The past month or two has been very hard on all of us - as a family - and I have had little if any down time or opportunity to just "be" with my children.
This may sound daggy, or "grandma" or whatever and I don't mind - each to their own I say - however I have always enjoyed being a homemaker. Its something I take pride in and want to do well. Its something I acknowledge to be more challenging than it appears at first blush and certainly it is something of an art form, indeed a skill that must be practised and nurtured.
Being away from home so much lately, being so busy and so stressed with the company in the position that it is in, being involved in the "fun" side of divorce with solicitors, mediations, parenting agreements and legal fees has left me feeling off centre. To be honest I have had little time to even think through what happened and how to make sure it doesn't happen again. Its just been sad and hard and dramatic.
In all of this I feel as though I have lost my zen a little bit. I feel very off centre.
Returning home after a long trip and just "being" with my chidren, quietly letting them play and watching whilst I sip on my cuppa is just the soothing balm my tired and overwhelmed soul needed.
It started me to thinking...
Its actually much harder than it ever used to be to BE a homemaker, but also to ENJOY it. I have always enjoyed it and always felt sad and pained that I could not be left to enjoy it more. Taking on the mantle of company director then single Mum plus Director has meant I have missed out on a lot of the simple pleasures that being a homemaker affords.
Then again - so have many of us.
Its a little bit sad to think that the simple pleasures - watching our children play, sipping tea, sleeping late, pottering in the home or garden, planning projects and re organising spaces to be more 'homey' are passing so many of us by.
Life is far to hectic now, far to fast paced, there is too much pressure.
I for one do not like it all that much.
A woman in her centre - calm, strong, feminine - is the most beautiful thing in the world to behold. Why then do so many of us - me included - forget this part of ourselves? When did it become better to be yang, bossy, determined, assertive and fortright over nurturing, calm, feminine, attractive (in all senses of the word) and womanly?
Personally I struggle with getting the balance right and I do not feel at my best when I am away from my home - or not present when I am in it - for too long.
Today my world exists only within these four walls.
Today the only people in my world are my children and myself.
Today I want to drop into my centre, find my zen, stay with the feminine me.
Today I give myself permission to play "Suzie Homemaker" and to just enjoy it; to enjoy "being" in my home - and nothing else.
Join me - if only for today - its so refreshing!
But first - turn your phone off.