I guess I was feeling bored maybe - what with being a full time single Mum, working full time in my business, doing Reading Groups & the P&C and volunteering and writing and all that... clearly I felt - on some level - that I needed a new challenge!
So today I decided - subconsciously I might add - that it was a good day to attempt to burn my house down!
I know - I know...
You are thinking "Seriously?! What did she just flick a match into a vat of kero or what?!"
Oh no... no ... nothing like that.
I moved everything atop the stove for my not-quite-detailed-cleaner to vacuum the filthy hearth.
One item was a cane basket full of newspapers and - wait for it - firelighters.
Clearly I am the one who is not-so-detailed...
Said basket was nothing more than smouldering ashes by the time I returned from a 30 minute appointment.
The appointment was great - by the way!
My Kinesioligist hooked me up with just the right amount of Magnesium and B6 for this incident to be a mere bleep on the radar. What a gem she is!
I digress. Often I'm told.
BACK ON TOPIC...
So I lit the fire to warm the house ready for a friend popping around. We were doing a photoshoot for a press release because wwe've collected a bazillion cloth nappies to donate.
I digress - again.
So I lit the fire because I like to pretend I am some kind of Hostess with the Mostess... like a cool and chic eco-cross breed of Martha Stewart, Mrs Beeton and the Greens Party... only way less politicking! ;)
... today demonstrated that my foray into Martha Stewart Hostess Territory is clearly never going to happen!
I digres... often - as I said...!
So I got the fire going, loaded her up with logs and chocked the door closed - you know - just in case.
We don't want any unfortunate accidents do we!
I ducked out for my Feel Good appointment thinking how wonderful I was going to feel strolling back in after a lovely chiropractic adjustment and some supercharged Crunchy Mumma supplements.
*Ah... Crunchy Mumma Bliss*
So. Not. How. It. Went.
Walk in - house full of smoke - thick with the smell of burning paint.
And a few other things that are not quite lady like enough to insert here...
I harried around hoiking things left, right and centre and cart piles of smouldering basket fragments and junk mail and firelighters out my back door in ceramic fruit bowls whilst whipping on fans and throwing open windows like some crazed lunatic trying to escape the assylum...
Nurse Ratchet anyone?!
After a time the smoke - and drama - clears and my cool-calm-collected-zen-friend makes me a cuppa.
As I sit sipping on my French Earl Grey tea, my nostrils flaring at the smell of burnt paint permeating my home I think to myself...
"I think The Universe is telling me to slow down..."
Also that it might be time to fet the wood fire serviced.
In about 45 minutes the fire went from not lit at all - stone cold nothingness - to so darn hot it literally torched a lovely cane basket and its contents and very nearly burned down a significant portion of the dining area!
Upon sharing the incident with my serious and somber father-dear I said...
"Just quietly thank god for my OTT "Do-It-By-The-Book" gene inherited from you.
If we had built the hearth someone-else-who-shall-remain-nameless's way and closed the gap to the wall we would no longer have a wall..."
And he just thought I was being pernickety! Pfft...
Moral of the Story?
At this stage, I'd say there are a few...
- One can't always blame the kids. Sometimes one is just totally stupid. This week I am said One.
- Always always always fight your significant other on safety stuff. It might just pay off or save your backside one day!
- Forget the filthy hearth - it is so not worth it
So after we rid the house of smoke - we could hardly see when we walked in - and cleaned up the ash which was E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E I raced through a photoshoot with a fabulous local Fair Trade business Modimade and then trundled off - reeking of smoke and burnt acrylic paint - to the P&C meeting at school with Master Terror-Almost-Two.
Home an hour ago. Wine anyone? Organic of course! 😉
Tell us - how was your day??
P.S. Oh! And the hearth is still filthy...
<\\\\head : desk />
Did I mention I am sleeling in tomorrow?!